Jean x Depressed!Reader- My fault [Modern! AU]

  The bullet came literally out of nowhere.

    It was late last night. Your boyfriend Jean and you were only walking home from some romantic chick flick you couldn't remember the name of. Jean was complaining about it on the walk back as you held onto his right arm, giggling as he would keep rolling his eyes at the memories of the movie. He had only stopped you for a second to ask you a question, and by the looks of it, it was going to be an important one. He had only turned to his right to face you when all of a sudden, his eyes widened. You had only turned around to look at what it was, before time started to freeze.

    A flash of white. The honk of a horn. A terrified scream- your own scream. The release of a bullet from the barrel of the passing car.

    Time was still in slow-mo. Seeing that something was going to happen, Jean had yelled at you to get out of the path of the incoming bullet, but you couldn't help but freeze and watch it come over to you. Were you going to die?

    Nope. Even worse.

    A sudden force from your right pushed you out of its path, and with your 'perfect luck,' it had just so happened to land in Jean's right shoulder. The car drove away. Time sped up as Jean's now unconscious body fell on you and knocked you onto the ground, his weight pushing you downwards.

    The bloodcurdling scream ripped through your throat before you had even realized it. Luckily, a woman in one of the houses lining the street seemed to have heard your cry, and came out to find you in the position you were in. You couldn't make use of what she was telling you when she ran over. A man ran out of the house with a telephone and a shocked face, handing the phone to the woman and slowly but surely rolling Jean onto his back. This only caused you to trigger and yell again, shaking and clinging to his left arm, sobbing and telling him to 'leave horseface alone.'

    Paramedics arrived soon after, but by that time, you had passed out at Jean's side.

    A clock had woken you up from your sleep. Sitting up on whatever you were lying down on- it was comfortable, so you assumed it was a couch with how it was shaped- you rubbed your eyes lazily, all memory from the night before erased from your mind until you looked to your right. There Jean was, lying in a hospital bed. A sharp gasp left your throat as your right hand went back up to cover your mouth in angst and shock. Several people who were sitting by his bed had heard the strangled noise come from the couch (which had been seated against the wall across from the door) and looked in your direction. Jean's mom, Marco, Mikasa, Armin, Eren (Mikasa dragged him here) and Connie were there, all spread out in different forms and directions. Marco was the only one who bothered to walk over to you, seeing you in such distress. As soon as he was at your side, he plopped down next to you and drew you into a comforting hug, you now sitting sideways across his lap with your head nestled in the crook of his neck as he pet your hair and let you cry. He also whispered comforting things as you cried, such as "he'll be okay" and "let it out, it's okay (Name.)"

    Once you were done, you sniffled and sat up, thanking him quietly. He placed a hand on your back and rubbed in soft circles. 

    "Are you alright (Name)? You guys gave us a real scare.." Marco asked softly, not wanting to stir up many bad memories. A sigh left your lips along with a nod. He gave you a smile and decided to bring you over to Jean to say hello to him.

Oh, if only you could...

    Once over there, you observed that he wasn't waking up, and looked at his mother for questioning. A single look into her eyes was all it took for her to break down into tears. In a second, Mikasa and Armin were there to comfort her. A confused look crossed over your face as you went over the facts in your head.

Fact: Jean had gotten shot in his right shoulder.

Fact: He wasn't dead since he had a pulse and was breathing.

Fact: Jean wasn't waking up, and by the looks of it, wouldn't be waking up.

Wait, he.. is he in....

    You looked at Marco, your eyes widening slightly. Just so you guys wouldn't harm his mother anymore, he pulled you aside by your arm, eyes watering and breath shaky. "(N-Name)... This is really hard to tell you, but.. H-He.. J-Jean is in a c-coma.. The doctors told us that they don't know when he will wake up, o-or if he will... And they explained how he g-got the coma, but I can't explain anything without you getting confused... I-I'm sorry..." The poor freckled boy was shaking, hoping to get an expression out of you. 

    A stupid voice in the back of your head was buzzing with a depressing thought; It's all your fault, (Name).. You kept telling yourself that this was not your fault, that Jean did want to protect you.. But everytime you told yourself that, the evil, creepy voice in your head told you otherwise, and only came on with more fire and a more depressing voice than the last. It ate away at your skull before you realized Marco was still waiting for an answer of some sort. You pulled on a soft smile and placed a hand on his shoulder, still shaking off the feeling of someone whispering upsetting thoughts into your ear. "Jean is a tough and cocky guy, I'm sure he'll wake up.. I'm sure of it!"

    By the way you said it, the atmosphere in the room lightened up, making everyone smile at how easily you could cheer people up as they bought that fake smile of yours and decided to sit around and have a good conversation before you guys had to go. You stayed a bit longer just to tell Jean something. "Jean... Please get better soon, I couldn't handle myself if you never wake up again because of me. I love you.. s-so much..." And with that, you kissed his limp hand and left the room to the nurses.

~Several Months later~

    Even after a few months and several fun outings with your friends, that eating guilt in the back of your mind became worse over time, to the point where you heard its demonic voice with every action. You had contemplated telling someone, but that would require telling them that it was your fault.. That's right. Over time, you accepted what that voice told you, along with everything else it had to tell you. Getting up every morning, it told you how you didn't deserve to be awake after what you did to him. It would tell you that whatever you wore was ugly, don't eat breakfast because you don't deserve it, and so on and so forth. But despite all that went on in your now wretched mind place, you were still as 'happy' as can be around people like Marco and Mrs. Kirschtein and your best friend Mikasa.

    Mikasa is actually how Jean and you had met. He had decided once at a party to finally make a move on her after a few weeks of liking her. As soon as he walked up to her, he noticed how she was talking and laughing with another girl- you, actually. He went up to say hi to the both of you, you both replied, and she introduced you both. The moment you smiled at him, he had almost forgotten about Mikasa. He transferred to another space where only you and him were. It was probably heaven, but he wasn't keeping track of what was happening at the time. A blush dusted his face and he stuttered as he introduced himself as "J-John.. Dammit no.. Fuck let me start over again.." to which you laughed at and winked, introducing yourself as (Name that sounds like your name) and by the end of the night, you had gotten his number and also admitted to him that your name was really (Name). He got cutely grumpy and made you promise that you'd text him once you got home to let you know you were okay, which is what you did. After that, you went on some dates and whatnot, and started going out after admitting you liked eachother.

    In all the time you were dating him, you had almost never once fought or not have a good time together. You loved eachother THAT much. Because you loved him that much, you visited him everyday after work at the hospital along with his mom, Marco, Mikasa and yet again, Ere who was dragged there for a bit but went more willingly because there was a cute nurse he loved to flirt with.

    But unlike other days, this one was the worst. You were currently having a war inside yourself with that stupid voice. 

    'But (Name)~ You've already agreed with me! This is most entirely your fault, along with about every other problem you have.'

    'I-It isn't my fault, dammit! I admitted it b-because I hoped you would go awa-'

    'BULLSHIT (NAME) AND YOU KNOW IT! JUST ADMIT IT TO EVERYONE ELSE IN HERE BEFORE THEY START TO HATE YOU MORE THAN EVERYONE ELSE DOES!'

    'No one hates me! N-No one would h-hate me! Get the fuck out of my head!'

    'NOT UNTIL YOU SAY IT!'

    'FUCK FINE I WILL! I'LL TELL EVERYONE HOW IT'S MY FAULT!'

    You hadn't noticed before, but Mikasa was standing in front of you shaking your shoulders with a worried look on her face. "(Name), are you okay? You were whisper-screaming weird things, is ever-"

    "I-IT'S MY FAULT."

    The room went dead silent, all looking over at you as the three words left your lips. It had to be your fault, you weren't moving when he told you to.. So to save your stupid, incapable ass, he took the bullet and risked dying...

For you.

You immediately broke down from stress and pushed yourself away from Mikasa, making her gasp in confusion.

    "I-I... It's all my f-fault! I didn't m-move away when he t-told me to and now he's in this stupid state, because of me! I-I.. Mrs. Kirschtein, words can't describe h-how sorry I am that I screwed up a-and caused this.. I... He always told me I needed to listen more, and because I didn't listen to him, h-he took the toll.. I.." Before you could talk more about the stupid thing you did, a tall doctor with blonde hair and blue eyes entered the room. You couldn't handle what he would say, so you ran away from the room and swiftly moved through an opening between him and the door, making your escape and running down the hallways with everyone calling after you.

    Soon enough, you were out of breath on another section of the same floor. Before you could stop yourself, you were sliding down the wall until you hit the floow and curled up, sobbing loudly into your knees as they drew up to your chest. You were completely cold because you thought the AC in his room was broken so you dressed in short sleeves so curling up didn't even help your shivering state. Like it had said, the voice went away for a little bit and didn't bother you as you cried to yourself, and eventually started hyperventilating.

    A pair of running feet were heard coming in your direction after a while, and you knew in a few seconds, someone would be questioning you or something. But before that could happen, black and white spots entered your vision and before you know it, you fell to your side as two people- Marco and Mikasa- called out your name. The last thing you felt was being carried in two arms as you passed out.

Ox~Timeskip~xO 

    "...she....(Na-)...(Name)... hallway... worried about her...."

    Soft, fuzzy voices were to be heard as you slowly woke up. From what it felt like, you were being cradled bridal style in someone's lap, your head against their firm left shoulder. You kept your eyes closed as you listened more, the voices becoming completely clear and easy to listen to.

    "She ran out after that.. Marco and I found her hyperventilating on the floor. She passed out once Marco picked her up." Mikasa.

    "The poor dear.. I had no idea she felt that way about Jean.." Mrs. Kirschtein.

    "I gotta give you some props Jean, you caught someone who cares a whole lot about you, and not with a butterfly net either. Plus, she's pretty good looking." Eren.

    Wait a sec though, why was he talking to Jean like he was awake....?

    "Don't talk about my fucking girlfriend like that, Jaeger! I know she's a catch, and hearing that she actually thought that it was her fault seriously breaks my heart.." JEAN. Despite wanting to fucking hug him to death while he held you, you kept your eyes closed and listening.

    You could feel his hair tickle your nose as he pecked your cheek and rocked you back and forth lightly, as if you were a baby. "(Name)... Ah shit... Mom, get my jacket from the table, will ya?... yea, and go into that pocket, and pull out th-"

    Before he could finish, several people in the room gasped and awwed, Jean's mother actually squealing. You wanted to keep your cover for a bit to listen to what he was going to do, but because his hair tickled your nose earlier, you felt a sneeze coming on. 'Oh god, a few more s-seconds-' you thought before you let out a cute little sneeze which shook your body with a little rumble.

    You opened your eyes to see the crook of Jean's neck covering half your vision, the other half containing Jean's mom trying to hide something behind her back. Jean let out a happy/choke-y laugh at the sight of your eyes opening. "Good afternoon, princess.." He whispered in your ear, starting to smother your face in sloppy, desperate kisses. Looking up slightly, you noticed his eyes were watery and a split second later, the tears were cascading down his cheeks. His arms that were curled around your back and under your knees squeezed you together as you let you a sob and hugged him around the torso, sobbing 'sorry' over and over again into his chest. He tilted your head up with his chin and left repeated kisses on your lips. "That was not your fault and I never want you to blame something like that on yourself again. Can you promise me that? Because I did that because 1. I didn't want you to die and 2. I didn't want some stupid bullet leaving a scar on your perfection."

    You couldn't help but cuddle up to him again in awe. Jean's mom soon walked over to Jean and handed him a small velvet box.

Wait.

Hold the phone.

Hang up and redial.

Is that a ring box?

    Jean opened it up as you got off his shoulder to stare as the box flicked up and inside was the most GORGEOUS looking ring you had ever seen I shit you not.
"(Name), I was gonna do this a few months ago but there were some complications-" everyone snickered, even Eren; "- will you please marry me?"

    All he got for an answer was a tackle back onto the bed. You straightened out and tackled him backwards so you were lying chest to chest, you on top of him leaving kisses all around his face and neck and you evem kissed his wound a few times. He laughed again with a happy blush spread across his face as he slung his arms around your waist whilst everyone else applauded.

    This day was definetly going in the memory books.

~End~